


I Didn't Get to Say Goodbye

by Mangoesaregood8



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:19:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4281795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mangoesaregood8/pseuds/Mangoesaregood8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alan's attacks from the Thorns have been getting worse and worse.  He and Eric both knew that he wouldn't be around for much longer, but neither of them expected him to go so soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Didn't Get to Say Goodbye

“Eric, you can’t save me. You know this. I’m going to die no matter what you do.” Alan was sitting in his bed at home. He’d suffered a Thorns attack a few days ago and it was a bad one. It left him unconscious for nearly two days. Alan was starting to accept his fate. He knew that unlike other reapers, he wasn’t going to live forever. The Thorns would take his life, and based off of the last attack, it would be soon.

“Alan, I cannae jus’ sit here and watch ye die,” Eric said. He was sitting in a chair next to the bed. He and Alan had had this argument countless times, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last.

“There’s nothing you can do and you know that. I’m not letting you kill anyone for my sake.” Alan sighed and his face softened. “Eric, you know if I had a choice, I would stay. I don’t want to leave you, but we have to accept what was given to us. There is no cure. There probably never will be…” Alan curled up on the bed and hugged his knees to his chest.

“Alan, donnae say that.” Eric stood up and sat down next to Alan on the bed. 

“It’s true. I could be dead either next year or next week.”

“Alan…” Eric’s voice was just above a whisper. He reached out his hand to rub Alan’s back soothingly. Seeing Alan so upset broke his heart. He hated sitting around and being useless. He wanted to be out doing something to help the younger man. But deep down, he knew Alan was right. Short of doing something very illegal, and probably very immoral, there was nothing he could do but sit and watch as Alan died in front of him. He thought that he might get a bit more time with Alan, but with the severity of the last attack, he knew it was only a matter of time. Eric didn’t want to think about that.

Eric looked down at Alan. Alan was always a thin man, but he was thinner than usual. It took a lot of convincing to get Alan to eat after an attack. He was also pale. Much paler than normal. Whenever Eric would touch him, Alan’s cheeks would always flush with some sort of color, even it was barely perceptible. Now there was absolutely no color in Alan’s cheeks.

“Yer as pale as yer bedsheet love.” Eric’s hand moved up to cup Alan’s cheek. Despite the lack of color, his cheeks were warm.

Alan nuzzled his face into Eric’s hand. “It is rather cold in here. Do you think you could get me a blanket?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.” Eric placed a kiss to Alan’s forehead before standing up to retrieve another blanket. 

“Thank you love.” Alan took the blanket and wrapped it around himself. He hated recovering from attacks. He was always so cold afterwards. “Perhaps you could lay down with me to help keep me warm?” Eric was so warm, he was almost like Alan’s own personal space heater.

“I…” Eric bit his lip. Eric had taken to sleeping on the floor the past few days. He was too afraid that he might roll over in his sleep and crush Alan.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to.” Alan looked away and tried not to let the hurt show on his face. Eric would show little signs of affection like stroking his cheek, or giving him a quick kiss after an attack, but nothing more. Alan missed curling up next to Eric as they slept. He missed having those strong arms wrapped protectively wrapped around him at night. He also missed hearing Eric’s slow calm breathing and his heartbeat.

“Come ‘ere Alan.” Eric sat on the bed next to Alan and wrapped an arm around those thin shoulders.

Alan smiled softly and turned his head to nuzzle into Eric, taking in his warmth and his smell. He could tell that Eric hadn’t bathed today, but he didn’t care. He smelled like Eric, and that was all that mattered. “You’re warm.”

“Aye, and yer absolutely freezin’.” Eric frowned and wrapped the blanket tighter around Alan.

“It’s normal. You know that.”

“Aye, but I still donnae like it. Ye shouldn’ be this cold.”

Alan stayed quiet. He didn’t have the energy to argue anymore. He wanted to close his eyes and go to sleep.

“Tired?” Eric asked.

“Yes. Will you lay down with me?”

“Aye.” Eric helped Alan get situated in the bed before laying down next to him. “’Ow’s tha’?”

“Much better. Thank you Eric.”

“Yer welcome love.” Eric gave Alan a gentle smile and a peck on the lips.

Alan smiled into the kiss and closed his eyes before going to sleep.

Eric waited until he was sure that Alan was asleep before taking the other man’s glasses off and setting them down on the dresser. He knew Alan got upset if they bent.

Eric stayed next to Alan as the younger man slept, wanting to stay close in case Alan needed something. He always did his best to keep Alan as comfortable as possible.

Eric didn’t realize how much this was all taking a toll on him. He knew he was stressed from still going to work to do not only his work, but Alan’s as well. After a long day that usually involved overtime, he came home and took care of Alan until he went to work again the next day to start it all over. Eric eyes slipped closed without his knowing, and within seconds, he had fallen into a deep sleep.

When Eric woke up again, it was dark outside. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes before looking over at the nightstand to the alarm clock. It was getting late and he hadn’t started dinner yet.

“Alan. Alan, wake up love.” Eric sat up carefully, not wanting to dislodge Alan.

Alan stayed asleep.

“Alan? It’s time for dinner. You need to wake up love.”

Alan still didn’t wake up.

“Alan?” Eric cupped Alan’s face with his hand. 

Alan’s face was cold.

“Alan?” Eric could feel a state of panic start to spread through his body. “Alan! Wake up!” He grabbed the younger reaper by the shoulder gently. “Please, Alan. Wake up!”

Alan stayed still, showing no signs that he heard Eric.

Eric placed his ear to Alan’s chest. He tried to tell himself that Alan was just very tired, and that he would wake up once he slept some more. Eric would make dinner and they would eat together and things would go on normally. Alan would get better and then they would go back to work together. Alan would get after Eric for not having his tie pulled up high enough, or for doing something stupid with Ronald and getting overtime. Eric would brush it off with a laugh and tease Alan about how he needed to loosen up more.

Eric felt a cold pit of despair sink in his stomach. He couldn’t hear Alan breathing. And the normal heartbeat that he would listen to to help calm him down when he was upset was absent as well.  
“Alan no!” Eric shook him once more to no avail. Alan wasn’t waking up. Alan would never wake up again.

“Alan, ye cannae be dead. Ye ‘ave tae wake up. Please! Ye ‘ave tae wake up so ye can plant yer flowers an’ take care of them. We ‘ave tae go tae work an’ ye have tae get after me fer getting’ overtime from Spears.” Eric could feel tears welling in his eyes and he blinked to try to make them go away.

“We ‘ave tae get tha’ house out in the country like we said we would so ye can ‘ave an even bigger garden. Then I can build a barn an’ we could ‘ave sheep just like when I was a lad.” It wasn’t working. The tears were spilling over and falling onto Alan’s lifeless form.

“Please Alan!” Eric begged. “Ye promised ye’d play yer Cello when I played my Fiddle. Ye said ye’d learn some Scottish songs jus’ fer me and I said I’d learn some of the songs ye’d play on the phonograph.” Eric was clutching on to Alan’s shirt so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

“An’ I was supposed tae take ye to tha’ concert ye wanted tae see.” Eric was sobbing into Alan’s chest. He could feel his own heart shattering into a million pieces. Alan was his partner. Not just in work, but in life. Alan was there for him when no one else was. Alan had his back whenever he needed him, no matter the reason. Alan loved Eric so wholly and unconditionally. He was always there when Eric got home and would greet him with a smile. Now, Eric would never see that smile again. He’d never be able to give Alan another hug, or another kiss. He would come home to a cold, empty house. There’d be no Alan waiting with dinner ready when he got home. There’d be no Alan waiting for him in the bed room when he was ready to go to sleep.  
“Alan. Please come back. I need ye.”

Alan wouldn’t be in their flat watering the flowers in the flower boxes. Alan’s Cello would sit in the closet collecting dust. There would be no Alan to pull it out to fill their flat with its warm, soothing melody.

“Ye cannae die now, Alan. I…” Eric bit his lip to hold back another sob. “I didnae even get tae say goodbye…”


End file.
